Trump Memes
Trump: Whatever, Losers!
"Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents—doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem....This is what we've been waiting for our whole life. A president who's not afraid to say whatevers on his !@#$%^& mind."
Donald and Hillary goto a bakery. Hillary says: "You are an oaf. Let me show you how a smooth operator works." Hillary walked up to the shop owner, shook his hand, talked to him with an earnest, sincere, and empathetic expression, and while her right hand was shaking the owner's, she used her left hand to grab a muffin from the display, put it in her jacket pocket, and then walk off. "See, he doesn't even know it's gone." Donald says, "Well, watch this." He goes up to the shop owner and says, "Let me show you a magic trick. This will be the greatest magic trick ever." He walks straight up to the display tray, picks up a muffin, eats it, and walks away. The owner says, "Hey, when do I get paid for the muffin?" Donald says, "Oh, sorry, you can have it back." "Where is it?" asks the shopkeeper. … "Look in Hillary's pocket."
Donald Trump has a fear of downward slopes. Particularly his approval rating.
Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors: “North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!” His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him: “How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!” Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors: “What an idiot! We can send them at night!” His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors: “What an idiot!… There is no sun at night!”
Aides to President Trump say he normally tears up pieces of paper after he is done reading them – Melania Trump continues to try and hand him their prenup.
Donald Trump and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu, had car trouble in the countryside, before they asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There, from the barn, stood the Rabbi. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes them to be unclean animals." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the scene reoccurs, after another knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!" Well, that leaves only Donald Trump to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood.... The pig and the cow.
“The US Postal Services released a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: The stamp is fine. The problem is, people are spitting on the wrong side.”
The Pope, Donald Trump, Angela Merkel, and a third grade child are flying on a small plane. The pilot runs into trouble and realizes they’re going to crash. A coward, he races to the cabin, grabs a parachute, and bails, hollering, “There are three parachutes left. You guys are on your own.” Angela Merkel says, “Since I’m the leader of the free world now, I need to survive.” She takes a parachute and exits the plane. Donald Trump says, “Well, I’m the smartest man in the world, so I get a parachute too,” and off he goes. The Pope tells the third grader, “Don’t worry, my child. I’ve lived a long and miraculous life. You take the parachute, and I’ll go down with the plane.” “That’s okay, sir,” says the child. “There are still two parachutes left. The world’s smartest man just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack.”
Donald Trump and members of the press are taking a trip on his yacht. The wind blows the hat off one of the reporters, and the President orders the yacht to come to a stop. He jumps overboard, walks across the water and retrieves the hat for the reporter. Next day’s headlines: DONALD TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!